Double Happiness : the spiritual side of special-needs parenting

This past week I received a call back from a special-ed attorney whom I respect.  When she asked me, “Why isn’t he in school?”  I felt like I really couldn’t say why except I didn’t want him to. Part of me wanted to say, I’ve got it all under control, thank you, and another part wanted to blubber about all this anxiety I fear in beginning the process of dealing with doctors and psychologists and school bureaucrats again.

As an intuitive person, the conferences with teachers, principals and autism-department officials lit up old energy memories from my own childhood battles with teachers and authority figures so much I was scrambled, scattered and useless for days after a conference.

We have been drifting a bit, unschooling and keeping things relaxed regarding school since about this time last year.   I realized that we both had been in need of a rest from the toxicity of our last public school experience, and that I, more than he, was dragging my feet about taking him to Rush to get an workup and assessment to get home-bound services started.

In the meantime, I have been studying seriously as a psychic, and have been making some pretty heavy-duty changes in my energy.  I had been wanting a different set of eyes to look at my thoughts about my son’s education.  A clear look, without guilt, shame or baggage from the past.  And I realized that there had also been a big shift internally in the way I wanted to consider about him now.  

I did not want to confer with professionals about his Asperger’s, his anxiety, problems with impulse control, blow-ups, meltdowns and aggression.  I did not want to talk about trying to get him into a four-walled school again, with good intentioned teachers stretched too thin to help, and about my fears of having him shamed and excoriated for his mistakes.  

I wanted to find ways to encourage and support his strengths and possibilities.  

And along came lots and lots of information on RDI .  I have been encouraged by reading Tammy Glaser’s articulate blog on this therapy, and have mets lots of great parents on the Yahoo groups and related links.

In the meantime I am reading Ross Greene’s excellent book, “Lost at School”, to use different strategies to address working on writing, the part of the school day still guaranteed to cause a meltdown if it’s more than writing in his journal.  (I’m on hold to get his other book, “The Explosive Child”)  and I’m focused and positive for the first time in months.

And hopefully here to have a record I can to refer to to see how far he’s come

A conversation about what my son remembered about his past brought up the idea of helping to improve his memory by photographing and videotaping his activities to help him remember.  

Videos can also be used to help see a picture for the future.  I am reprinting a beautiful, inspirational article sent to me by one of my homeschooling moms entitled

What You Could See If You Really Looked

by Shannon Coe

Imagine a home video taken during the late 70’s. The black and white screen, the static, fuzzy feel of the movie. On it are two little girls and a stick. The oldest girl is using the stick with such showmanship. She is twirling, spinning, using the stick as art. She looks at the camera and smiles, all the while flipping and making magic with the stick. The other little girl gets a turn with the stick. What does she do? She takes a much more practical approach and starts digging with the stick. She uses it to pretend she is fishing or vaulting. She is digging a garden. It is a tool in her hands. Now fast forward thirty years and what are those little girls doing? One is a professional photographer and one designs curriculum. One deals with art and one focuses on tools for the homeschooler.

If we would just focus a little bit more, watch them play a little longer, really see what they do with the objects in their hand, we would be better equipped to help our children prepare for their lives outside our home. Not just in play, but the way a child does their school work, or the subjects they excel and have confidence in are all clues about the design the Creator used for this little soul. Focusing and paying attention will allow you to focus on the abilities this child was instilled with.

After thinking back on the home videos of me and my sister, I am intrigued with the realization that it was evident way back then the road we were meant to take. I wonder if we took time to rewatch our home videos of our children, if looking for clues, how much we would really see and learn about them? It will save you time and money when purchasing next year’s school curriculum, save you sorrow at the table as you try to use an approach that just does not fit with the design, or even compel you to study and learn more about children and the different ways of learning. It never dawned on me until my sister and I were talking how early it became apparent where our talents would take us. It was so evident now that we look back.

I hope this article encourages others. I am a huge fan of talking about the design of the Creator and the purpose for our children. It is easier for me as I am seeing my adult children living out their purpose that was so obvious as children. And as both those purposes involve risk, (police and Marine) it brings me greater comfort than people can imagine.

This is where I go when I am afraid for them, that THIS was the plan by God. 

My son hasn’t gone outside to exercise or play a lot this winter.  Since we don’t drive regularly, and he doesn’t ride a bike, I have been kinda pragmatic about going out alone to do shopping and getting what we need during wretched weather.  Sometimes I’ve felt like an early pioneer woman, out in the elements all covered in snow with my groceries on my back, and it’s better that he’s warm and dry and safe at home. 

But I think it’s time to begin “stretching” him a little more–starting to bring him out with me in a variety of situations to practice real-life strategies for communication and problem-solving.  We can walk around and learn the neighborhood, play as we walk and talk, and look for small-scale, slower-speed ways to practice and experience new behaviours until he feels able to handle them himself.